C066 Welcoming and Connecting with Zombies
Resolved, the House of Bishops concurring,
That the 81st General Convention direct Provinces, Dioceses, Congregations and all other institutions of The Episcopal Church to implement the recommendations of the report from the Standing Commission on Everything but Liturgy and Music regarding Invite * Welcome * Connect for Zombies: Re-Animate the Church; and be it further
Resolved, That the President of the House of Deputies and the Presiding Bishop, in consultation with the Standing Commission on Everything but Liturgy and Music, form a Task Force consisting of 4 bishops, 4 clergy, and 8 laity, with at least 4 members qualified in medical science, to consult with the United States Center for Disease Control and the Department of Homeland Security and prepare a report for the 82nd General Convention on the potential and challenges of the Church welcoming and inviting zombies into the Church’s worship and fellowship; and be it further
Resolved, That $666,666 be budgeted for the work of the Task Force over the next triennium, and be it further
Resolved, That Zombie Day, observed on every occurrence of Friday the 13th in the liturgical year, be authorized for trial use as a Major Feast of the Church, and be it further
Resolved, That the Standing Commission on Liturgy and Music develop a collect and suggested lectionary for observance of Zombie Day for authorization by the 81st General Convention.
Explanation
The Standing Commission on Everything except Liturgy and Music has suggested that the General Convention give special consideration and form Task Forces for the deep and meaningful discussion of appropriate ministries and initiatives with respect to zombies, including:
- identifying gifts and talents of zombies (with special emphasis on recruiting “walkers” to go out into the neighborhood as part of the Jesus Movement and developing special Safeguarding measures for “biters”),
- developing a special ordination track for zombies, giving them credit for their life, death and un-death experience, and
- developing special liturgies for the important events in the life and un-death of zombies, and
- creating special Zombie Dioceses and Zombie Provinces, including investigating the potential for converting existing Diocese and Provinces with high zombie potential into Zombie Dioceses and Zombie Provinces, and
- adding Zombie Day to the Church calendar as a dedication to all who lost their lives and afterlives on The Walking Dead. The Standing Commission on Liturgy and Music is already developing a draft collect and lectionary for this day.
The Zombie Apocalypse is imminent and potentially transcendent. Indeed, it may already be upon us. There have been unconfirmed reports of zombies in our pews, in our pulpits and even in our seminaries. Zombies, by definition, inhabit Interim Bodies. We cannot afford to miss this opportunity to INVITE * WELCOME * CONNECT with what will certainly be the fastest growing and most diverse segment of our population.